Friday, December 16, 2005

the lightness of being....alone.

'think about the good friends you have lost touch with.. do u remember when u 1st met and bonded? likelihood is u two were studying or working together. but what happened after u stopped seeing each other every day? that my dear friends is.. "proximity friendship".'

i got that out of a magazine... and u thought i could write something as simple yet profound as that. hah!

as i try to recollect how many friends i have who were from of the same schl as i was.. i came out with only 1 name. 1 name... thats it.no more. no less. but one.

uno. one. satu. ONE.
Nuradila Zainuddin

where did the rest go? i remember having loads of friends in ITE. did i lose them? did i forget them? did i neglect them? or did they neglect me? suddenly i realise that my friends are no longer my friends. they are gone. fun times came and went. we should have known it wouldnt gone far. yet,i let myself believe it could have.

do they remember me from time to time? did i die and no one told me about it? its singapore for gods sake! how big can it get? how far must one travel before we can even see a familiar face? have all technology vanish making it impossible to communicate?

"so why hvnt u kept up ur realtionships? you're probably rattling things off like 'no energy to keep in touch', 'we have nothing in common anymore', 'what's the point,she wont appreciate my efforts anyway' and 'we are both too busy'."

there u go,this article just takes it right out of the horse's mouth. is that what we all really are? women. how much more complex can we be? wanting a realtionship to last yet having so much doubts about it. why cant we be simpletons and think with our sex organ? aaahhh.... the joy of being MAN. betcha the hardest thinking they had to do is when they are trying to figure out wether to watch sports OR porn on tv.

proximity friends=friends who happen to be there,going thru the same shit as u are at that particular point of time in ur life.

are you one?

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10:02 PM

Monday, October 03, 2005

how did i end up looking like the bad person here?

why are we to blame?
why are we unimportant?
why do we keep coming 2nd place to them?
why do we try to please u when all u do is side them?
where are we in ur life?

why am i the 1 to be blame?
again..... why me?

and dont say ure not blaming me.
coz i know u are.

again..... I was the 1 who spoilt it.
I was the 1 who gave u attitude.
me, me, me.....

thank u. thank u very much.

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2:21 PM

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/keystoyourheartquiz/">What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

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4:13 PM

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

How You Life Your Life

http://images.blogthings.com/howdoyouliveyourlifequiz/faces.jpg"> %20color="#000000">You tend to deprive yourself of things you crave, for your own good.
You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations.
You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.
You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren' >

<><><>How'>http://www.blogthings.com/howdoyouliveyourlifequiz/">How Do You Live Your Life?

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1:04 PM

Friday, July 29, 2005

tell me why i love you. tell me why i find it so hard to let you go. can u please call me to remind me? can you tell me why i constantly hate you not being here?

tell me,why do you love me?

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10:02 AM

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

suddenly.... i realise that im way behind time. that im left out in so many people's lives... that the ppl who called me "kakak" are now so big. are now living life,their lives they fend 4 themselves. they live not knowing the danger there is out there. if they only knew.

how did i get this old?

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11:08 AM

Monday, July 25, 2005

lonely, im so lonely on 25th of july

im sitting here at home,alone. no one to accompany me at home... alone on my 20th birthday. this has to be a bad beginning to my next existant as a useless human being on this earth. had a bad dream to strat off with...

i dreamt it was dooms day. i was walking thru a garden with houses full of cobwebs. full of dusty ppl, moving ever so slowly. then all of them drop dead one after another. i stood transfixed as i realise that i was dropping like flies just like the rest did. then,we awoke only to be told we had a chance to ask 4 forgiveness and repent. then suddenly,i was crying and kissing ali's hand, asking 4 forgiveness. i knew i was in 4 it. i was going to hell. it broke his heart,he said i wont go there but i knw better.... (oh dear god,this keeps bringing tears to my eyes each time i thought about it) ."awak,kita minta maaf k? i see you when i hv served my punishment down in hell k? jangan nangis pls....its not easy for me.and dont tell me i wld be fine,coz i wont." it felt so real as i knelt down kissing his hand,seeing him tear up,crying, sobbing....unable to help me.

it scared the living daylights out of me. so much that i kept crying when i think about it.

i woke to find it exaactly 8am and only Dil to wish me "happy birthday". yes,fantastic. everyone's in school,at work or just plain busy. im alone. no one at home. by myself. on my 20th birthday.

"lonely.im ms lonely. i have nobody for my OOOOOOOOOOwwwwNnnnnnnnnnn.....

you know i hate being alone. i hate confiding in myself. i hate having nobody here with me. i want somebody. anyone.. please. all i hv is that bloody chipmunk lonely song to keep me company. funny,ali hates that infernal song. i,on the other hand..... find solace in the squeaky, irritating voice as i sit here starving,unbathe and alone.

yes,i havent bathe. too much details maybe but i shall tell more. i wont bathe until i have to go out.....and since it looks like im not going to be anywhere later...i shall spend my birthday alone, stinky and with bad hair.

i thought 20 was supposed to be magical or shit like that. im done with my teens for god's sake! dah angka '2' pun dah..... tapi tak pandai-pandai.

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8:25 AM